Thats A Thing That I Keep In The Back Of My Head!!

It is 3:00AM and I cannot go to sleep...Lets rummage through my parents CD collection while I try to withdraw from this inevitable brown sugar/honey high...While looking through this CD collection...and recovering from a potential diabetic-related disaster, I realized why I did not really have many friends in elementary school...besides being the girl that ate erasers and drank spinach juice, I was also a little outdated. For example, I remember asking "A" if she knew who Paul Simon was (This was during my moms "Graceland" phase) and whether she liked him...I did not get a response. That uneducated little bitch did not know that he was and still is a musical genius. Lets not get started on my Yanni phase that lasted throughout my junior year of college. Elementary school was a tough time for me. I got into fights, my older brother was definitely an informant...and I hated people.

My life from Kindergarten to 5th grade:

Kindergarten (Mrs. Hagestary): I brought carrots for the class bunny...nobody else did. What bothered me the most were the skillful negotiation tactics I had to use against my mother to get those carrots (Mom thought bunny did not deserve our human food, plus foreigners do not usually care about things like...animals.) One morning, I bring two carrots to class and begin feeding this bunny. Now, everyone wants to feed the bunny. So I begin handing out pieces of my carrot to my peers, but you know when you get to that thick end of the carrot that is hard to break (and I had underdeveloped motor skills in kindergarten...so imagine), and you have no choice but to just give that thick piece to some freeloading kindergartner. Well that's what I did. 2009 kindergartners would not take that shit...they would probably bring a gun to school and shoot Bobby Williams while preaching about meritocracy or some shit like that...I also ate ham by accident, in which my dad responded, "You might as well finish it."
Exploitation and religious betrayal

1st grade (Mrs. Youngberg): My first day of class, Mrs. Youngberg gives us a small quiz on subtraction. I fail miserably...I cry...nobody notices. Let me remind you, this is a combination class with 1st/2nd graders. So, while all the 2nd graders are blazing through the vicious math problems, us 1st graders sit there in numerical confusion. Probably went home and drowned my sorrows in sunchips and coconut flakes with Degraft. Did I mention that a homeless woman tried to steal my sunchips in Baltimore 3 years ago.
Failure and addiction to sunchips...

2nd grade (Mrs. Shoemaker): Wayne van Buren + me = Why I am Hassan Jallow's daughter, and why I got a call home later that day. Met my future sushi buddy Lina.
Militant...

3rd Grade (Mrs.Brown/Mrs. Wilkins): Mrs. Wilkins yelled at me because she mistook my kindness, of letting someone borrow my ruler, as me being a disruptive, gregarious child. Also, Alex's mom rolled up to school in a banging Camaro. Fuck you Mrs. Wilkins and your breath smelled like funions...oh yeah, you did not know that about yourself Wilkins, all the kids were talking about your breath.
Funions and Homicidal Ideation...

4th grade (Mrs. Bower/Mrs. Paeglow): Became a patrol, which was a big deal. Boy was I on a power trip that day...but "A" decided to ruin that trip by telling everyone "not to be my friend." Apparently, bringing down those who succeed was something prevalent among 4th graders. This was the year that I also learned origami in the media center, and when I began playing the violin...with my right hand that is (took some months to correct). I sounded like a loner, but guess what "A," I am the patrol of life, and you are still taking my orders while crossing my street you fucking Jezebel. Trust me, I have heard things about you "A" and Plan B should have been an option.
Crab-in-the-barrel mentality...

5th grade (Mrs. Flanagan): Promoted to Sergeant Patrol and abused my power to the fullest. This was my moment to shine and seek revenge among those who "hated" on me...and that I did. This is when I began "hating" on people, and this wonderful trait of mine has continued on today as Melissa, Mirchaye and Sasha like to remind me each-and-every day. Thanks guys. I was also one of the few kids in my class who knew how to spell "Wednesday" on our weekly spelling tests. Was this because I watched Adams Family with the caption on numerous times, or was it because 5th graders should be obligated to know how to spell Wednesday?? Also, I carpooled to MoCo youth Honors Orchestra with Kelli, which was awesome. I love you Kelli!!
Corruption and misuse of power...

The fundamental stages of life make you who you are today...a militant, agnostic, psychotic, exploiter who is addicted to sunchips (but can do without the funions) and misuses power while dragging others down with her during times of failure.

Happy Black History Month!!

Can't teach a old dog new tricks.

Kids, when your parents tell you about your flaws, they are correct. For years, I denied the accusations that I was naive...I was manipulated by a golden retriever today.

ENGL393

Some people may feel outnumbered if say...they are the only African-American in their technical writing class at 3:30 pm in the Taliaferro building (this is not based off of experience). But if I was in this situation, I would use this to my advantage. For example:

1) Apparently, if a joke is not politically correct, "the majority," will look to you for approval on whether it can be laughed at or not. Scenario A can be seen below:

Professor: How was you user manual on handshakes?
Student: It was so easy.
Professor: Well apparently you haven't seen black people give handshakes.
Class: *Observe lone African-American female sitting in the left-handed desk, which can
only make her more of a minority, for approval.*
Lone African-American female: *Chuckle*
Class: *Laugh!!*
Random female of the "majority" persuasion: THAT'S SO WRONG!!

2) Explain to many, that your choice of writing topics do not involve "the struggle."

Student: Are you writing about the welfare system?
Lone African-American female: I will stick to my topic about signing in blood, cause that seems like a bigger issue in the community.

3) Let people know that you are not up-to-date in all aspects of urban culture.

Student: Did you watch the BET awards?
Lone African-American female: I am in college...so I don't watch that channel.
Student: ...But Ludacr....
Lone African-American female: I DONT WATCH IT!!!

In conclusion, I love people who say whats on their mind, like Joe Biden. Give me a joke that violates social code, and I will fall in love with you. From this experience...I mean this scenario, I also learned, that I love the idea of fooling people into believing that any sentence with the word "black" in it is inconsiderate.

Keys to saving money during this economic crisis.

Apparently, suffering from anorexia saves you tons on grocery and clothes...but don't bring that up as a joke during a birthday dinner.

Functioning members of society.

I have my first job.

Functionin members of society.

I have my first job.

Humidity and SSN

It feels like the Earth is moving closer to the sun, and identity theft is on the rise...thanks to that super bureaucratic school they call the University of Maryland.