Initially I started writing this entry complaining about all the ways I was ruining my life.
1. In my evaluation I was told I suck at my job. Basically in every way possible
2. I am reading not one but two self help books. Its OK. Judge me. Just I would you.
3. School. I don't want to discuss it or I might freak out like I did in my counselor office. His response to my out of character flush of emotions....
"Somethings wrong. Are you pregnant?"
As I wrote each agonizing sentence I wrote about my life I realized something. I dont even want to read this shit. I sound like every other rusted up bear trap with a blogspot. Instead of wallowing in my trouble, lets think about the future.
Lets indulge in the exceedingly popular route of spiraling out of control. Which of the following options could I take so I can officially become a train wreck?

A) Drug Dealer: Chance to live out my favorite rap songs, and then eventually end up jail or die a horrible horrible death. This could also result in me getting my own hour on the best show on BET "American Gangster". All of those people look miserable now

but they forget "I AM ON BET".


Makes it all worth it now, right?

B) Drug addict: Laughter, Sorrow, Bleeding from every hole in my face. What wouldn't I learn from being a crackhead? Most importantly I would also improve my dancing skills. Remember Gator's new dance in Jungle Fever. Or I could finally learn the harlem shake, like Tyrone Biggums.



C) General Whoring- Now I know this sounds bad,but the world oldest profession has come a long way. Thanks to Pretty Woman and the accessibility of internet, prostitution has hit new heights. Brothels and street corners have the feeling of impending death constantly in the air. maybe its the legend of Jack of the Ripper or too many episodes of America's Most Wanted, either way there are more options.

= RECORD DEAL
= COLLEGE FUND
= TV SHOW

Whoring has gone mainstream and I'm sure this results in a book deal. Everything results in a book deal. Fantasia "wrote" a book and she can't read.

However all of these women pay a price



You can't write a rap song about how you downed a couple Plan B's and took 30 scoulding showers after being with Mr. Burns or Moesha's brother. ughh. I think I'd rather get shot.

Daily Inspiration

Brooklyn based artist collective Faile
www.Faile.net

Also check a visit to their studio from Fecal Face
(i know what you're thinking, but fecal face is a pretty col site too)

Can't teach a old dog new tricks.

Kids, when your parents tell you about your flaws, they are correct. For years, I denied the accusations that I was naive...I was manipulated by a golden retriever today.

ENGL393

Some people may feel outnumbered if say...they are the only African-American in their technical writing class at 3:30 pm in the Taliaferro building (this is not based off of experience). But if I was in this situation, I would use this to my advantage. For example:

1) Apparently, if a joke is not politically correct, "the majority," will look to you for approval on whether it can be laughed at or not. Scenario A can be seen below:

Professor: How was you user manual on handshakes?
Student: It was so easy.
Professor: Well apparently you haven't seen black people give handshakes.
Class: *Observe lone African-American female sitting in the left-handed desk, which can
only make her more of a minority, for approval.*
Lone African-American female: *Chuckle*
Class: *Laugh!!*
Random female of the "majority" persuasion: THAT'S SO WRONG!!

2) Explain to many, that your choice of writing topics do not involve "the struggle."

Student: Are you writing about the welfare system?
Lone African-American female: I will stick to my topic about signing in blood, cause that seems like a bigger issue in the community.

3) Let people know that you are not up-to-date in all aspects of urban culture.

Student: Did you watch the BET awards?
Lone African-American female: I am in college...so I don't watch that channel.
Student: ...But Ludacr....
Lone African-American female: I DONT WATCH IT!!!

In conclusion, I love people who say whats on their mind, like Joe Biden. Give me a joke that violates social code, and I will fall in love with you. From this experience...I mean this scenario, I also learned, that I love the idea of fooling people into believing that any sentence with the word "black" in it is inconsiderate.

Commercials I like

i watch too much tv

Obama Waffles

"Well apparently they've been beating up negros like hot cakes!" -Dave Chappelle


Prejudice never tasted so good

John Stossel Says White Privilege doesn't exist anymore

Keys to saving money during this economic crisis.

Apparently, suffering from anorexia saves you tons on grocery and clothes...but don't bring that up as a joke during a birthday dinner.

What doesn't kill you...

will probably give you brain damage

Functioning members of society.

I have my first job.

Functionin members of society.

I have my first job.

Humidity and SSN

It feels like the Earth is moving closer to the sun, and identity theft is on the rise...thanks to that super bureaucratic school they call the University of Maryland.

awesome.

I Love You Jesse!!

On a Television show (especially at fox news) why wouldn't you assume the camera and your mike is on. I guess he figured that whispering would help, but I believe he's whispering directly into the mic.

FYI: Jesse is also stealing yami's line "I will cut your fucking balls off"

It's about who you know, not what you know.

Time to start networking.

random summer pics

my favorite summer movie so far


the night we were harassed and yammie became hardcore.

kermit biting yammie




on the red line

Here's to keeping our blog updated daily.....

Salmonella does not fall victim to rising gas prices.

I cannot eat raw produce without thinking about death. I do not see a tomato, I see a respirator. Life is too precious to be eating fruits and vegetables. Fuck what your nutritionist says.

-Forever and always, paranoid

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080623/ap_on_he_me/med_healthbeat_tomato_safety;_ylt=AsANXfO826GalUvRh.0lOx4R.3QA

WTF

This was at a republican convention in Texas. While re-reading this sentence I realize that this pin is not to shocking.

Selling out comes with a cell phone plan.

As of June 15, 2004 I am still unemployed.

It's fathers day, and unfortunately I feel like I know a lot of people who will not be celebrating. For those of you who have been resenting all those Father themed commercials, LISTEN UP. Stop listening to John Mayer's "Daughters" and get out of the fetal position. I'm not saying it's not all his fault, it probaly is. just be thankful he's that guy and not one of these guys.

LRD Presents: Dad's Worse Then Your's



Stage Dads: Joe Jackson, Joe Simpson, Mathew Knowles

















God bless these men for bringing us Icons like Michael Jackson and Beyonce. Hey, I even appreciate Simpson for bringing us the whole Chicken of the Sea thing. However I don't think i could come out of this family on top. Working since you were five and routine beatings are not for me. I'd probably be an Ashlee, Solange, or Tito.

Josef Fritzl


This man trapped his daughter in a cellar for 24 years and fathered 7 children with her. Doesn't he look like someone who would do that.








OJ
He raises them, so i guess they have to sort of overlook the whole "murder" thing, but could I really get over "If I did it.."
no.



Darth Vader
He abandoned his kids, killed his wife and chopped his sons hand off. Bastard.


Best Dad: Alec Baldwin
I don't think Alec Baldwin is a bad father. I think if I ignored my dad like this, I would get a very similar message. However, this tape is hilarious. So happy Father's day you rude little pig! I don't give a damn if you're 12.

Cool Kids Review

The Cool Kids concert sucked mainly cause Mel and I couldn't make it.

Music Update: Cool Kids concert Sunday at the Black Cat.



Studies show that hip-hop died with the tragic release of Mystikal's "Shake it Fast" in 2000. The Cool Kids just might be what we need for the recent old-school revival emerging across all genres of music and pop-culture. We will find out and stay tuned for a review.



If that is not the face of someone who pleads guilty to sexual battery, then I don't know what is?

Since this is our first post Yammie and I felt obligated to write about the most popular issue in the country, elections. We have always been big Obama supporters, but we couldn't really think of anything to add to all that has already been said about him and Senator Clinton.

Mel: Ok what should we say about Obama?
Yami: well I have a few sentences down,
Yesterday marked a turning point in history. Barack Obama became the first African-American to be nominated as a presidential candidate for the Democratic national party. It is now the two person race most of us have been waiting for. In November, we hope that a victory comparable to this will reoccur, since we don't want some gung-ho, POW running our country into more degradation than it already is. Congratulations Barack, and we look forward to your leadership in the future.
PS, you have a lot of work to do.
Mel: Wow. I think pow sounds like an insult. He didn't pick to be one, and it doesn't sound like you.
Yami: True, I forgot, people are going to read this. Lets scratch that.
gung-ho conservative?
gung-ho geezer?
Mel: Well why are we writing this?
Yami: To congratulate Barack.
Mel: He's going to come across this blog when hes researching lil wayne lyrics.

And if you ever doubted just how hip hop he is


and here is yami's revised letter:

Yesterday marked a turning point in history. Barack Obama became the first African-American to be nominated as a presidential candidate for the Democratic national party. It is now the two person race most of us have been waiting for. In November, we hope that a victory comparable to this will reoccur, since we don't war hungry [insert diss here] running our country into the ground, more than it already is. Congratulations Barack, and we look forward to your presence in our future.

P.S. you have a lot of work to do.